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Part 2. SEX AND DEATH

“Sex and death are closely linked,” he said leaning on the bar. Since discovering his name was Clive, and that he worked in insurance I had also uncovered the fact that behind those dark shades were some erotically charged thought processes. “How’s that?” I ventured; almost afraid to hear the...
love-at-a-funeral

LOVE AT A FUNERAL
#14

Our eyes met across the crowded crematorium. Or rather my eyes met the inky blackness of his dark shades. He looked cool and sophisticated in a two piece suit and white shirt, unbuttoned just enough. What he would have seen—through his shaded vision: a woman in a 1950’s sleeveless wool...
post13bg

JELLY TOT TITTIES AND NO HAIR MINNIES #13

When waxing and waning are just two verbs to define the moons cycle all is fine and dandy. When waxing becomes the modus operandi for women to keep on top of their pubic hair, and keep men on top of their bodies, we then have to ask when this necessity...
spots

STIFF PLEASURES (AND HARD MYSTERIES) #12

Penny is hanging upside down, and sliding slowly down the pole. Bee, Megan and I look on with our mouths open. She is certainly improving. Her one piece, however, is riding dangerously high up her crack. “Honey be careful, that’s the kind of flossing that can only create problems,” croaks...
lord-bath-3

THE MAD HATTERS TEA PARTY #8

From the top of the hill, the vale of Longleat House stretches out below you like a pleasure palace. Indeed, the aperture affording the view is called ‘Heaven’s Gate.’ The heat shimmers off the lush valley, and the many cars of the visiting multitude add a multi coloured knit to...
tara-newley-aorta

THE WAY TO A MAN’S HEART IS THROUGH THE AORTA #6

I had survived. I was alive. The drunken road trip that was my lift home had left me shaken and stirred.   I had spent all evening enjoying the lips and hands of ‘Oliver Reed’s Son’, but the pleasure of his hands and lips were erased by the fear of...
tara-newley-in-the-country-4

LIFE IN THE COUNTRY #1

INTRODUCTION I was breastfed on the streets of New York City, but once I learned to walk–in heels– another city beckoned. A city with wilder drinking habits, a city that made Broadway quiver, a city that set fashion spinning–the City of London….but I gave it all up….for Weston-Super-Mare. This is...
The Column and Special Editions

Sex in the country is an online column by poet, writer, activist, and troublemaker, Tara Newley. Having spent over twenty years working her way up the slippery showbiz slope from Tea Girl to TV presenter, from Rock and Roll Pop Singer to Dance Diva with the Ezee Possee, La Tara found her true niche when she moved with her two kids to the English sea-side. Known for its donkey rides and cotton candy, Weston-Super-Mare was the last place you expected to find the daughter of showbiz royalty.

As the daughter of TV legend, Joan Collins, and cockney singer/songwriter Anthony Newley she was more used to the West End than the West Country. But she bravely donned a pair of wellies, and fell in love with the wilds of Somerset.....and more.....
Part 2. SEX AND DEATH
“Sex and death are closely linked,” he said leaning on the bar. Since discovering his name was Clive, and that he worked in insurance I had also uncovered the fact that behind those dark shades were some erotically charged thought processes. “How’s that?” I ventured; almost afraid to hear the answer. “The male orgasm is...
LOVE AT A FUNERAL #14
Our eyes met across the crowded crematorium. Or rather my eyes met the inky blackness of his dark shades. He looked cool and sophisticated in a two piece suit and white shirt, unbuttoned just enough. What he would have seen—through his shaded vision: a woman in a 1950’s sleeveless wool mix sweater daubed in roses—(still...
By Tara Newley -
JELLY TOT TITTIES AND NO HAIR MINNIES #13
When waxing and waning are just two verbs to define the moons cycle all is fine and dandy. When waxing becomes the modus operandi for women to keep on top of their pubic hair, and keep men on top of their bodies, we then have to ask when this necessity became so necessary!   Not...
STIFF PLEASURES (AND HARD MYSTERIES) #12
Penny is hanging upside down, and sliding slowly down the pole. Bee, Megan and I look on with our mouths open. She is certainly improving. Her one piece, however, is riding dangerously high up her crack. “Honey be careful, that’s the kind of flossing that can only create problems,” croaks Bee, ever the dental hygienist....
By Tara Newley -
YOGA FOR SINNERS #11
The room was dark, hot, sweaty. There were bodies scattered on the floor; achieving maximum lift off in unusual lotus type positions, and taught stretched lycra. I felt desperately un-yogic in baggy sweatpants and a Guns and Roses T-Shirt. For ten years I had scoured the backwaters of Weston-Super-Mare looking for something akin to a...
SLIMLINE BEAUTY IN GOLD
Get ready to dazzle this Christmas in the ultimate gold digger ballgown! This slimline beauty in gold sequins will make you the belle of the Christmas ball. I’ve got mine! Jingle bells! Roll on Christmas! Monsoon, Elizabeth Sequin Dress.
…AND ANOTHER THING! #10
Gentlemen, men of gentle dating persuasion, I have another question for you that I hope won’t dapple your brow too much. Indeed it has been sitting in my mind, like a disgruntled humbug for some time now. Don’t worry, don’t get your grown man knickers in a twist, I’m not going to insult you (too...
By Tara Newley -
PREDICT-THIS! #9
Woe to the trick or treaters this week who came to my door. They found a real witch. And no I wasn’t dressed in a pointy hat. I was utterly pissed off with the world. Well actually half of the world. Well actually more than half of the world if you believe the statistics which...
By Tara Newley -
THE MAD HATTERS TEA PARTY #8
From the top of the hill, the vale of Longleat House stretches out below you like a pleasure palace. Indeed, the aperture affording the view is called ‘Heaven’s Gate.’ The heat shimmers off the lush valley, and the many cars of the visiting multitude add a multi coloured knit to this carpet of green, leading...
By Tara Newley -
TOTES AMAZIN
My current obsession with all things feathered meets the fashion worlds similar fetish with this oriental masterpiece. Rocking the kind of stitched detail that would make Dolce and Gabbanna envious! And whomever said peacocks were unlucky can kiss my bag! Chinese Phoenix Embroidered Shoulder Bag, Accessorize  
CULOTTE OR NOT TO CULOTTE?
It Is with a surge of euphoria that I welcome back to the fold the culotte. memories of childhood in my own cherry red variety are warm and sweet. for winter, with boots or brogues these bad boys are my mission statement for cool. welcome back! Houndstooth culottes, JW Anderson at Browns, £630   
FLORALS VS GEOMETRICS?
Anything goes as floral meet geometrics! Having hotly debated with my teenage daughter the fact that I was wearing a snakeskin skirt with a lace embroidered top I quipped that it was high fashion if she didn’t know–now I can hold my head high and boast superior fashion skills to the young and the restless....
DAWN IS A FOUR LETTER WORD… PART #4
I am surprised by the amount of women who tell me that they are just not a huge fan of the male body. Without a hint of amusement, they tell me they don’t mind the male physique up until that divet of the hipbone, from which point descends the trickle of pubic hair leading to...
MAKE MINE A TALL FRENCHMAN Part #3
Welcome to St. Tropez continued.    I don’t remember how I ended up covered in gold glitter, but I do remember the fire breathing trannie on stilts, the raven colour of her hair, the gash of lipstick that sang, and Carla, my new Brazilian friend, teaching me a dance that is famous in her country:...
By Tara Newley -
HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS WINS  Part #2
Welcome to St. Tropez continued.  Like many girlfriends before and since, my mother and Natalie Wood had started the night with a strict girlfriend pact of not leaving without the other, but when this plan went out the window they ended up falling out momentously, and not talking for six months.   Megan and I...
Part #1….  WELCOME TO ST. TROPEZ
There’s the walk of shame…..and then there is the wall of shame…..   As the sun began to climb in the sky, I hitched up my pencil skirt and begged my French paramour to drive off before he saw the unseemly sight of me clambering over my mother’s fortified wall with my skirt hiked up...
FIFTY SHADES OF RED #7
I’d been knocking some time on Megan‘s door. The wind was whipping up a storm across the heathland, and a crop duster stood idly in an open field valiantly braving the tempest. I was just about to get back in my car when she opened the door. “Oh, sorry-sorry, have you been there long?” she...
THAT WINNING SPIRIT! - OLYMPICS 2012
Who will win the award for best scrunchie this year? That is the burning question on my lips. What pert buttocks and thighs will captivate us as we sit with our bellies flopping over our elasticated trousers? Watching the Olympics for me is simply like watching an advert for my gym; the one I have...
THE WAY TO A MAN’S HEART IS THROUGH THE AORTA #6
I had survived. I was alive. The drunken road trip that was my lift home had left me shaken and stirred.   I had spent all evening enjoying the lips and hands of ‘Oliver Reed’s Son’, but the pleasure of his hands and lips were erased by the fear of this night ride through hell....
WHERE THE WIRED THINGS ARE #5
  On the winding road leading back to my home and my neighbor, Jessica’s, we lost many things. The first of those was fear, as should we have held onto fear none of us would have lasted the first bend in the road.   Jessica’s pubescent boyfriend was at the wheel.   What we didn’t...
– BAGPOD –
I could not find my computer–it was knee deep in papers, sweet wrappers, and pens. Then along came the Red Dog Accessorie, and my desk is no longer an unholy clutter–it’s like a filing cabinet in a handbag! With it’s sweet smelling leather pouches, and handy zippers I can dematerialize all the unecessary bits and...
MUSIC FANS FLOCK TO THE COUNTRY - T4 on the beach
Celebs and their followers flocked to the country for T4’s tenth birthday. There was sand, there was muddy sand, there was rain, there was wind, and then the clouds magically dispearsed and the sun shone down on us in Weston-Super-Mare. Gloriously attired in their festival glad rags, these harbingers of cool descended for a day...
LITTLE WHITE LIES, & BIG BLOODY BLACK ONES #4
As he set about the complicated task of forming words, the man straddling my bench, breathing alcoholic fumes, introduced himself. For the sake of ease, let’s just call him Liar. His accent was somewhere between Somerset and Swindon. Untraceable and unimportant, as brown eyes often have a memory erase function in my experience.   (But...
TRICIA GUILD
Tricia Guild: her furnishings, wallpapers and interiors are exquisite: I want to live in the homes she creates, they are elegant, sophisticated and still cozy. She combines the most stunning combinations of fabrics and textiles with the most desirable colours. An opulent feast for the eyes, and a wonderful place to lay your head. View...
GLORIOUS PIES! - Pieminister
Glorious pies! (Pieminister.co.uk) Whether they are at markets, pubs, shops, delis, or festivals get your hands on one of their pies–they are out of this world! I went to their shop at 24 Stokes Croft, Bristol, BS1 3PR. Try the Heidi Pie (goats cheese, sweet potato, spinach, green onion, roasted garlic) or the Matador Pie...
By Tara Newley -
EVOLUTION SUCKS #3
The pub ‘Racks’ in a West Country lane sounded like it was ready for its next victim. I expected stocks, but found a light and breezy atmosphere. Tables full of easy going boozers with nothing but time. The outside temperature was well above winter averages. Not a drop of rain anywhere on the horizon. The...
By Tara Newley -
PERFECT PARTNER FOR FESTIVAL SEASON
Festival season is coming, and if you want to be chic AND keep your feet dry then these bright beauties will make you the belle of the festival ball! Dr. Martens boots never went out of fashion–don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise–and these colourful incarnations are here to stay! Pretty in Pink? I...
By Tara Newley -
FLIRTING FOR BEGINNERS #2
 As I pulled up outside my ramshackle country abode, less ‘Gone With the Wind’ more ‘Blown Over By the Wind,’ I looked over at number 7. Angela’s car was gone. In fact Angela was gone–for good. No more popping over to borrow her hamster (not a euphemism) when the cat ate ours, no more listening...
By Tara Newley -
La Perla LOVE
A French Woman would not be seen dead or alive in mismatched underwear (no grey M & S undies in her dresser drawer). They always look chic on the outside because they are chic on the underside. La Perla has the most beautiful and sexy lingerie, without resorting to tarty (sorry Agent Provocateur!) Images from...
LIFE IN THE COUNTRY  #1
INTRODUCTION I was breastfed on the streets of New York City, but once I learned to walk–in heels– another city beckoned. A city with wilder drinking habits, a city that made Broadway quiver, a city that set fashion spinning–the City of London….but I gave it all up….for Weston-Super-Mare. This is the story of Sex in...
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